Sunday, November 14, 2010

I feel like a STRANGER --

I have been neglecting this for far too long. I shouldn't neglect my blog at all, it is my only way to get stuff out most the time. I need a new blog make over. My (well used to be mine) Marine broke up. So this can no longer be "The Marine && The Civilian" blog anymore.

Yes, for all you out there who didn't know Eddie and I have broken up. There are many reasons why we broke up, but for now I wish these reasons remain unspoken of. I won't lie, I screwed up in the relationship just as he did. We both have things we need to settle with our own selves before we can maintain a relationship with each other.

I will say in all honesty that a relationship with a man in the service was A LOT harder than I thought it would be. I can say it did make me stronger as a person. I do regret some of the choices I made in the relationhip, but I do not regret the relationship as a whole.

Sometimes I catch myself wishing that I didn't make the choices I made or mistakes I made. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. I know that I am not ready for the relationhip with him. I just need to grow up. I don't want to look back on my teenage years later in life and regret not acting like a teen.

I only get to live my life once and I am not going to hold myself back. This is all feeling so weird to me right now. I am actually blogging, I am not in a relationship, I am living a teenage life for once. I still love him and I still have a place in my heart for him I always will. Just right now isn't the best time. I am afraid of hurting him worse than I already have. I am sure that I have ruined alot of my future with him, but that is something I am going to have to accept whether I like it or not.

Sometimes I want to start my relationship with him over, but then again I just think to myself that I just need to keep moving and take everything a day at a time. I am constantly reminding myself that if we are meant to be that in the future our paths will cross and we will take it from there.

Gosh I feel like I am rambling on, I know I am! I just don't really have anyone to just talk to so I am just going to carry on. Ok maybe not I am just going to stop, find someone to give my blog a little makeover and start over.


  1. I've missed you! You're blogging again! That is SO good.
    I will gladly make over your blog if you want me to, we can make it something totally for you, and if you and Eddie get back together, he can come back into your blog, but I think you should keep the blog for you, not Eddie.

    Stay strong girl!

  2. You are doing the best you can, good for you! You just have to take it one day at a time and hold your head up :)
    You can do it!