I feel like a STRANGER --

I have been neglecting this for far too long. I shouldn't neglect my blog at all, it is my only way to get stuff out most the time. I need a new blog make over. My (well used to be mine) Marine broke up. So this can no longer be "The Marine && The Civilian" blog anymore.

Yes, for all you out there who didn't know Eddie and I have broken up. There are many reasons why we broke up, but for now I wish these reasons remain unspoken of. I won't lie, I screwed up in the relationship just as he did. We both have things we need to settle with our own selves before we can maintain a relationship with each other.

I will say in all honesty that a relationship with a man in the service was A LOT harder than I thought it would be. I can say it did make me stronger as a person. I do regret some of the choices I made in the relationhip, but I do not regret the relationship as a whole.

Sometimes I catch myself wishing that I didn't make the choices I made or mistakes I made. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. I know that I am not ready for the relationhip with him. I just need to grow up. I don't want to look back on my teenage years later in life and regret not acting like a teen.

I only get to live my life once and I am not going to hold myself back. This is all feeling so weird to me right now. I am actually blogging, I am not in a relationship, I am living a teenage life for once. I still love him and I still have a place in my heart for him I always will. Just right now isn't the best time. I am afraid of hurting him worse than I already have. I am sure that I have ruined alot of my future with him, but that is something I am going to have to accept whether I like it or not.

Sometimes I want to start my relationship with him over, but then again I just think to myself that I just need to keep moving and take everything a day at a time. I am constantly reminding myself that if we are meant to be that in the future our paths will cross and we will take it from there.

Gosh I feel like I am rambling on, I know I am! I just don't really have anyone to just talk to so I am just going to carry on. Ok maybe not I am just going to stop, find someone to give my blog a little makeover and start over.